Relationships

The Fights Of Love

April 15, 2014 — Leave a comment

Being in a relationship is hard to be honest.  Even more truthful is the fact that anything worth having is worth fighting for.  The problem is, we often committ ourselves to the wrong type of fight.

Arguments happen in relationships because you have two individuals with two different point of views on life, they have had totally different experiences, so their opinions on various things differ.  Those are actually healthy arguments to me.  Because those are the rumblings that must happen for two people to grow together and come on one accord and become single minded.

The unhealthy arguments usually involve some type of trust breaking act.  Such as a lie or some sort of infidelity.  One person is trying to justify their bad action while the other person is reaching for correction.  Very unhealthy because those lead to distance and seperation.  Two will struggle to become one.

I’m sitting here right now thinking about this because I remember how I used to say that, “If I have to fight you to be with you, then I don’t want to be with you at all.”  THAT was a very immature thought process I assure you.  Allow me to explain.

We have to understand that, sometimes, in order to show someone we love them, we DO have to fight them.  To fight through their ego, their stubbornness, and other factors.  In the same manner, we have to fight ourselves just so we can love them.  Letting go of self to be selfless and willing to look out for them.  Or dropping our ego just to do something as simple as letting go of our own wants just so we can fulfill the needs of the relationship.

Loving someone, and being loved, is at times a gamble.  But it’s a gamble that we can win in the door.  As long as we’re willing to put in the good and healthy fights.

Test Them

April 10, 2014 — Leave a comment

Not every pretty face is worth my time.  Truthfully, this is how I feel.  Not every pretty face comes packaged with a pretty personality.  This is what I’ve seen.  Not every pretty face comes with pretty intentions.  This has been my experience.

What’s it worth to you?  This is a question I ask you, my audience.  I suppose I ask it because I’m tired of seeing good people reduced to how they look or what they have.  I could ask, “Whatever happened to seeing a person for who they are?”. But I’d be making myself out to seem delusional.  No one sees a person for who they are. I doubt they ever have.  Most people only see in a person what they want to see.

Now, whether that is good or bad is merely up for debate.  Because what a person sees is really relative to that person.  But the qualities of a person, I don’t think anyone sees that.  Not anyone on this side of Heaven anyway.

I do find truth in what God said, when speaking of David’s brother’s, that “man sees what’s on the outside, but God sees what’s in a man’s heart”.  Then, while speaking of the heart of man, Jesus said “it is filled with all sorts of lies and deceit.”.

So, what am I to believe at this point in my life?  I guess you, my reader, can ask if you can even believe me.  You are entitled to that honestly.far too often I tell people to put me to the test.  I find no one willing to give me a challenge or, at least, challenge me.  I’m not all knowing but God’s Word is pretty clear on what to expect from humans.  So I expect all things while demanding nothing.

Thus, most people bore me.  Comes with the territory of making the decision I made 13 years ago to study people.  And, to be frank, most bore me.  If you study people long enough, you’ll get to the very foundation of their actions.  Don’t focus on what you see.  Focus on their reasoning, their goals, their plans.  Put an emphasis on what they say. “For what comes out of the mouth of a man is what is in their heart.”.

If you, in the least bit of loving yourself, do not put people to the test and weigh them against what love truly is, then you will always fall as a victim.  And never rise as a victor.

Emotional Mastery

April 7, 2014 — Leave a comment

For the last 23 years I have wrestled with the darkness of depression.  More accurately, I was diagnosed as a manic depressant at the age of 14 (I’m merely assuming it was sooner than that that the emotional feelings truly began)

I would like to say it has probably taken just as long for me to come to a place of controlling it versus letting it control me.  I will admit this much though, it takes a level of emotional discipline that I never thought I had.  Manic depression is quite difficult to master.  It’s called “manic” because the highs of y emotional state are truly very high.  The “depression” is found in my down moments.  Because they are truly down moments.

So, at any given moment, while based on triggers, I can either be extremely emotionally high or extremely emotionally down.  The mastery of this involved finding a good middle ground d emotionally.  Where I am neither up not down, but a comfortable calm.

The drawback to this is that some people would swear I am emotionally dead because I never give away my emotional state.  Do I have times when I am emotionally down?  Of course, otherwise I wouldn’t have days where I have to power through just to fight the urge to run and hide.

Same with my emotional highs.  I have to talk myself down so that I’m not emotionally off in space somewhere.  This impacts my ability to maintain a fruitful relation with a woman because most women are driven by emotion and they often expect their mate to follow suit.

I don’t.  I merely keep pushing forward as if I am not affected when , in fact, I am.  It’s just a matter of me maintaining myself emotionally so that I don’t either crash or my expectations exceed the moment.  So I choose my comfortable calm.

It took some time, experimentation, and failures to understand what works for me.  And, what works for me, might not work for everyone else.  But I still advise people to at least try to find their comfort zone.  Then, once they do, expand it little by little.  Because you don’t want to become a person who just has a small comfort zone.  So small that, in fact, it’s nearly impossible for anyone else to join you and enjoy your presence or find comfort with you.

It is time consuming, yet very rewarding.

So, this is my little piece of advice for the day… Hope it helped someone.

Cushioning The Lopsided Foot

April 3, 2014 — Leave a comment

Spent the day ripping and running all through Ann Arbor taking care of some personal business..  Honestly, I enjoyed it.  Why?  Because I was able to do something I haven’t been able to do in a long time, and that’s have a cushion financially.

The road to get to this point hasn’t been easy, but it’s a road worth traveling.  Of course , I had plenty of help along the way, and I am eternally grateful.  It’s just the point for me, since this was a goal of mine, to be able to organize myself in such a way that I’m able to save money.

And honestly, it feels good.  So, where do I go from here?  I couldn’t tell you to be honest.  Mostly because I also set out to cut down on my spending on a month to month basis and now pull up a revised budget.

I also met someone who holds my interest a bit.  Not an easy task for anyone, but it really isn’t that hard to pull off.  I figure, relationship wise, I am allowed to be picky, but for the right reasons.  Not for anything materialistic or physical, but because I want to ensure the shoe fits right while leaving room for me to grow.  Sounds selfish I suppose, but I think the other person should feel I fit her while letting her have her own space to grow.

And the key thing is that we can then grow together.  Who wants a lopsided foot anyway.

A Brief Introduction Of Evolution

April 1, 2014 — Leave a comment

Greetings, and welcome.  You can call me Chozen, if you want to be a friend.    I couldn’t tell you exactly why I am doing another blog, I truly had no desire to a couple days ago.  But, as I was at working thinking about it, maybe a blog with short posts wouldn’t be so bad to do.  I mean, all I do at work is think.  I think about my day, what’s going on with me, and my views.

 

I guess you could say, because of my constant thinking, I am in constant evolution.  Constantly evolving my life, my mind, and my spirit.  So I settled on just doing a daily diary of sorts.  Something to share my thoughts and feelings to the world.  So, why not get back into blogging.  Maybe, just maybe, I could learn something and you could learn with me.  So, I consider this a journey.  A journey to evolve and grow within and without myself and give you a chance to do the same with me.  So, with that said, the hardest part of any journey is the first step.

 

I’m taking that first step, will you take it with me?