Dating

The Fights Of Love

April 15, 2014 — Leave a comment

Being in a relationship is hard to be honest.  Even more truthful is the fact that anything worth having is worth fighting for.  The problem is, we often committ ourselves to the wrong type of fight.

Arguments happen in relationships because you have two individuals with two different point of views on life, they have had totally different experiences, so their opinions on various things differ.  Those are actually healthy arguments to me.  Because those are the rumblings that must happen for two people to grow together and come on one accord and become single minded.

The unhealthy arguments usually involve some type of trust breaking act.  Such as a lie or some sort of infidelity.  One person is trying to justify their bad action while the other person is reaching for correction.  Very unhealthy because those lead to distance and seperation.  Two will struggle to become one.

I’m sitting here right now thinking about this because I remember how I used to say that, “If I have to fight you to be with you, then I don’t want to be with you at all.”  THAT was a very immature thought process I assure you.  Allow me to explain.

We have to understand that, sometimes, in order to show someone we love them, we DO have to fight them.  To fight through their ego, their stubbornness, and other factors.  In the same manner, we have to fight ourselves just so we can love them.  Letting go of self to be selfless and willing to look out for them.  Or dropping our ego just to do something as simple as letting go of our own wants just so we can fulfill the needs of the relationship.

Loving someone, and being loved, is at times a gamble.  But it’s a gamble that we can win in the door.  As long as we’re willing to put in the good and healthy fights.

Light Through Darkness (Working Through Rejection)

April 1, 2014 — Leave a comment

Today I went to the library jut to download a game on my Steam account and watch some youtube videos.  On the way here, I got that dreadful text most people in my position dislike.  That dreadful, “I don’t think we’ll click but good luck in your search” text.  I hate that text.  Which is weird considering, I moved on when I didn’t hear from her some time ago.  I cut it as a loss and basically moved on.

But, and this is the thing, I suffer from depression.  Manic depression to be exact so it wasn’t too long after receiving that text that I fell into a state of depression.  So, here I am at the damn library wanting to go crawl into a dark room somewhere.  I mean I felt it in the very fiber of my being.  Hell, I couldn’t even type my body was shaking so badly.  But, I did the one thing I felt I should do in that moment.  I fought through it.

I simply did my usual Google searches, checked my FB, jumped on youtube and watched some videos.  While every inch of me was screaming, “GO, RUN, HIDE!”, in my mind I was telling myself to just sit here and do what I came to do.  10 minutes later I was back in 100% status with everything back to normal.  Nature of the beast.

I got diagnosed with depression back when I was 13.  23 years I have lived with this and for 23 years I have fought through, learned about it, come to understand it.  Knowledge is power I tell ya!  If only because having this knowledge has helped me come to a place where I can calm my mind just enough to fight through the darkness that is trying to enclose me in.  Not an easy thing to do, especially when most doctors will tell you that you need to be on meds.  My medication is my faith.  That is what helps give me light through the darkness.  Therefore, my faith is my strength.

Honestly, rejection comes with the territory of dating.  I’m used to it.  It happens.  I’m not someone who thinks I’m everyone’s cup of tea.  Doesn’t mean I have to like it either.  I just choose to handle it in the same way I handle everything else that goes on in my life, I just keep moving forward while leaving all else behind me.

Being Single

April 1, 2014 — Leave a comment

I’m 36 and single.  Ugh, single.  Honestly, I’ve never experienced anything more boring exercise of human existence.  I guess some find it fun to be single.  I’m not built like that.  I’m more of the “life is exciting while with a partner” type of person.  Unfortunately, my social skills to obtain a mate are sorely lacking.  *sigh*

But I’m working on it.  No, I REALLY am working on it.  Like blood, sweat, and tears type of effort ya know.  It’s just, well the thing of it is this, I don’t want to be one of those people so stuck on “wanting” that I screw it up.  So, I hold back from time to time.  Ok, that was a lie, I hold back ALL the time.  Mostly because I have come to find out that no matter how much a person wants another person to be “real”, I’ve been told I am often too real.  I will admit to speaking my mind from time to time and also being honest about myself up front.  But, I kind of thought that is the type of foundation people would desire.  An honest one.

 

So, therein lies my frustration with the dating scene that I have entrenched myself in.  Why should i have to hold back my opinions, or tailor my opinions to someone who might not even make the final cut anyway.  And, the sad thing in my mind, I’m NOT even trying to sleep with anyone, I’m just trying to find ONE.  My life isn’t a lay’s commercial.  I just want one woman.  I’m not saying I want THE one because I feel that the one woman I wind up with will be the one not because God chose her to be the one for me but because I chose her. (that is another writing entirely, so be on the look out for that explanation)

 

So this is my current thought process in a nutshell.  I’m done writing for now.  I’m going to go watch some youtube videos, finish reading a book, or play a game or something….

A Brief Introduction Of Evolution

April 1, 2014 — Leave a comment

Greetings, and welcome.  You can call me Chozen, if you want to be a friend.    I couldn’t tell you exactly why I am doing another blog, I truly had no desire to a couple days ago.  But, as I was at working thinking about it, maybe a blog with short posts wouldn’t be so bad to do.  I mean, all I do at work is think.  I think about my day, what’s going on with me, and my views.

 

I guess you could say, because of my constant thinking, I am in constant evolution.  Constantly evolving my life, my mind, and my spirit.  So I settled on just doing a daily diary of sorts.  Something to share my thoughts and feelings to the world.  So, why not get back into blogging.  Maybe, just maybe, I could learn something and you could learn with me.  So, I consider this a journey.  A journey to evolve and grow within and without myself and give you a chance to do the same with me.  So, with that said, the hardest part of any journey is the first step.

 

I’m taking that first step, will you take it with me?