Today I went to the library jut to download a game on my Steam account and watch some youtube videos.  On the way here, I got that dreadful text most people in my position dislike.  That dreadful, “I don’t think we’ll click but good luck in your search” text.  I hate that text.  Which is weird considering, I moved on when I didn’t hear from her some time ago.  I cut it as a loss and basically moved on.

But, and this is the thing, I suffer from depression.  Manic depression to be exact so it wasn’t too long after receiving that text that I fell into a state of depression.  So, here I am at the damn library wanting to go crawl into a dark room somewhere.  I mean I felt it in the very fiber of my being.  Hell, I couldn’t even type my body was shaking so badly.  But, I did the one thing I felt I should do in that moment.  I fought through it.

I simply did my usual Google searches, checked my FB, jumped on youtube and watched some videos.  While every inch of me was screaming, “GO, RUN, HIDE!”, in my mind I was telling myself to just sit here and do what I came to do.  10 minutes later I was back in 100% status with everything back to normal.  Nature of the beast.

I got diagnosed with depression back when I was 13.  23 years I have lived with this and for 23 years I have fought through, learned about it, come to understand it.  Knowledge is power I tell ya!  If only because having this knowledge has helped me come to a place where I can calm my mind just enough to fight through the darkness that is trying to enclose me in.  Not an easy thing to do, especially when most doctors will tell you that you need to be on meds.  My medication is my faith.  That is what helps give me light through the darkness.  Therefore, my faith is my strength.

Honestly, rejection comes with the territory of dating.  I’m used to it.  It happens.  I’m not someone who thinks I’m everyone’s cup of tea.  Doesn’t mean I have to like it either.  I just choose to handle it in the same way I handle everything else that goes on in my life, I just keep moving forward while leaving all else behind me.